How do I explain...

I was voted into the position of writing this tonight. Usually, I jump at the chance to talk and tell everyone the AMAZING things I have to say. I am finding it rather difficult to describe the situations I have experienced. How do I explain the look in a child's eyes as I hand them the plate of only food they may receive that day? Knowing that this meal does not contain the amount of nutrients a developing body needs. How do I explain how funny it is to be sniffed and rubbed again and again? They want to know what a white person feels like and smells like. How do I explain drinking water in front of kids that don't have water? Do I dehydrate myself out of guilt, or just get it over with? Why would I ever want to come back to a place where trash is thrown in the streets and burned? Why do I want to come back? Why do I want to bring my children? What? What is wrong with me? No wait. That stuff is for missionaries. I just love Jesus. I just love Jesus. He loves me. How do I process this? My daughter is at home with a fever right now. She will get her tylenol. She has my husband, and my BFF to help take care of her. (I love you, and miss you, by the way!) I held babies this week with temps in the 103's. We gave them tylenol, if we had it. What about those that have nothing? Do I dare question my Father in heaven? Yes. Yes, I do. But my question has shifted. I came here not wanting to pity the people living in the poorest country in the western hemisphere. I came here to fall in love. Which, I have. I had a pretty good idea of what to expect, physically. My heart is...somewhere. So, the easy question that I came here asking,"Why?", has turned to "I want nothing less than ALL of Your love". I can't fake being loved. I can't fake sitting in the dirt laughing at my bad, bad creole. I can't fake this one. If this city is as hopeless and consumed by fear, how much greater is the opportunity, to know His love? Endless. His love. I know this is a blog. You want to here what's going on. Well, today His love has no bounds. Haiti is hot. His love is patient. Gonaives kinda stinks in the heat of the day. His love is kind. There are children running around with no clothes on. Make Your love real. Make it true. Teach me to love like it doesn't hurt. Even though I hurt all over. Crap. I love this place. He got me. I'll be back. Love, Deanna.