Sunday, March 27, 2011
Trying
I have only posted a blog one other time during this trip. I have sat down many times with the intent to write one. It is becoming more difficult for me to articulate my experiences here in Haiti. I have been working here for about 11 years. I am trying build friendships and be used in some way to bring a measure of hope to those without it. It seems to be an uphill battle. I work with a dozen or so guys everyday doing this housing project and feel as if many of them have become friends so it is difficult when they steal tools and supplies. I wonder how much I am the cause of this. What I mean is why is it so difficult for them to see me as a friend? Why can't they get past my having money? It is not as if I don't know them well, I eat, joke and work with them. I live in thier community when I'm here. I have been asking myself these questions as they hurt me by treating me as nothing more than a way to get money or things. But I need to look at my own response to thier need and change the way that I respond. This is not to say that stealing is anything but wrong. Both I and they know it is wrong but how could my actions make them feel as if they can justify a wrong behavior. I am hurt when they treat me as only someone who can give them something, but I am guilty of the same thing when I respond rudely to someone who is sharing thier needs with me. I justify my behavior by saying that I can't help everyone or I'm tired because I've had fifty requests already today. Those things may be true but it doesn't make unkindness acceptable. In the same way that it is not acceptable for those in need to say "you have and I don't so it's ok" which I hear a lot. Until I am invited or grow deep enough in relationship with others it is futile to tell them they are doing wrong I can only try to change myself and try to become more welcoming. As Jesus is. Thanks for listening (reading), Brian
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Brian,
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing from within your heart with us. I can't imagine the frustration and despair you must feel at times. I don't think stealing reflects a lack of sincere friendship, but is the survival mentality of those living in such extreme poverty. They can be your friend in ways they can only know due to their culture of poverty (and also a spirit), and yet at the same time, take what they can get...also due to their need of survival. The culture of corruption only changes as the heart is changed, and sometimes then it becomes a challenge until one really can trust the One who is the only true Provider. We continue to pray for you and send electronic hugs.
Maralyn and Gary
Love you son, thanks for sharing your heart. I am praying for you and looking forward to sitting together and sharing more. Thanks for loving these ones who need and "sharing" all you have. As Maralyn shared the chage comes from knowing the one who can alone change us, He is still working on me.
ReplyDeletexo
Mom
John Malek.
ReplyDeleteThanks Brian. I think you have a glimpse at how Jesus feels when we act as if He is our Friend, Lord and Savior but then sin in some way, lie, cheat steal, envy, lust, get angry etc. You name it. They are your friend, Just as we are of Jesus, but we are so frail and weak and our flesh sometimes gets the better of us. I don't think it would be wrong to gently remind them of their theft or hurt towards you, but that is your call. Blessings to you and your family.
The moment that feels like you are getting kicked might in fact prove to be someone else's stepping stone.
ReplyDeleteSomeone whose words match their deeds told me that once.
I have great respect for you Brian.